By Jianchi, South Korea

After my husband and I had been dating for five years in China, in 2012 we finally joined our lives together in matrimony in South Korea. I personally believed that I had found true love, and I was full of thoughts about the beautiful prospect of our future married life. Although he had nothing, I thought as long as he treated me well, that was enough and that we would get everything through our own efforts later. After getting married, because I was pregnant I returned home and lived together with my mother-in-law, leaving my husband earning money alone in South Korea. My in-laws were very nice, and looked after me in every way. We got along with each other very well and the villagers were all envious of us, which made me even more certain that my choice was right: I had married well. Moreover, I also imagined that after our child was born, my life would be even more blissful and abundant.

In 2014, after our child’s first birthday, my husband brought our child and me to South Korea. Because my husband worked in another part of the country, he had to live in the company dormitory. Thus, I went to the house of my parents, who were also working in South Korea, and lived there. My husband only came back home a few times every month. For some reason, this time after I came to South Korea I found that my husband was not the same as before: It seemed as if he was always avoiding me purposely, and spent a lot of time talking on his phone or playing with it. He didn’t talk with me as before, either; the former feeling of intimacy was gone. I couldn’t find out where it had gone wrong. I thought to myself: “Maybe we have been separated too long. Or maybe his work is making him so tired and he is under some pressure.” I continually made up reasons for him to comfort myself, but my instinct told me that the truth was not like that at all. One day, I took the opportunity when he fell asleep to check his phone secretly, only to find that there was the ambiguous word “wife” in his chat logs. I didn’t dare to believe that that was true, and I also didn’t want to believe it. So I asked him what was going on. He acknowledged that he had found another woman, and said that it happened when I was in China. At that moment, my world collapsed and I had a huge fight with him. Our slumbering child woke up and then started crying together with me. The sound of our cries disturbed my mother, who lived in the next room. After learning what had happened, for fear that our child would get too scared she asked me to calm down, and then she asked my husband what he was going to do next. He answered that he would break up with that woman. I said I couldn’t live with him anymore, and that I wanted to divorce. My mother persuaded us to calm down and think carefully. The thought had never crossed my mind that such a misfortune would come upon me. I thought: “We have been married for less than two years and moreover I married him when he had nothing. How could he treat me like this?” I was unable to face his betrayal; it was as if heaven was playing a joke on me. Looking at our sleeping child, who had suffered a big shock, I felt my heart was about to break and thought: “What will happen to this child if we really get divorced?”

Afterward, I cried every day and didn’t want to eat or sleep. The moment I saw him, I would think of the thing between him and that woman and my heart would be awfully choked. I didn’t know what I should do. I didn’t want to live that way any longer because it was too tiring. I wanted to divorce. But after some inquiries, I learned that if we wanted to divorce, we had to return home because our marriage was registered in China. Seeing that both my husband and I had become thin and wan because of this matter, my mother told us to give it some time and consider everything carefully. During that period of time, I thought of taking my own life, but when I saw my mother and my child I lost the courage. I also thought of taking revenge on him by giving him a taste of betrayal by selling myself out and also having an affair. But I couldn’t bring myself to do that. Finally, all I could do was anesthetize myself by drinking, but that didn’t work at all. Seeing that I was torturing myself into a nervous wreck, my husband knelt before my mother, saying that he would never let me down again, and asked me to give him one more chance. When I saw his stubbly beard and haggard look, my heart softened and I promised that I would give him another chance and make a fresh start with him.

In order to untie the knot in my heart, my husband took me traveling. Yet despite this, we couldn’t return to the past. I didn’t trust him anymore and always lived in doubt. Every day I would check his phone. Later, after learning that he once brought that woman back home, I started to look for traces of her everywhere in my house. If I found something that didn’t belong to me, I would quarrel with him. My mouth said that I was willing to start afresh, but in my heart I couldn’t do it. I became more and more suspicious about him, and I would even carefully check his car. Seeing this, he wanted me to see a psychotherapist, but I refused him quite angrily. In fact, I knew the fault lay with me and I didn’t want to doubt him. But his betrayal had been the most difficult experience of my life, and the second I thought of it, it would rankle. It was like I was addicted to living in pain. When I talked with my mother about this, she was unable to solve my problem; when I wanted to talk with my friends, I was unable to speak of it for the sake of protecting my face. In this way, I muddled along for half a year.

One day, I met a woman holding a child beside my mother’s home. Unexpectedly, she was also an overseas compatriot. We exchanged phone numbers and often visited each other and chatted when we were free. Later, after learning that I believed that God exists, she brought two sisters to come to visit me and preach the gospel to me. They fellowshiped this with me, “Nowadays, worldly trends are becoming more and more evil; people are also becoming more and more corrupt, just like people in Noah’s day. They all pursue life’s pleasures and indulge their own flesh; there are full of violence and deceit, and even couples betray each other. There is no true love between them. Because we are corrupted by Satan, we are unable to overcome all the enticements and temptations if we have no truth. All that we can do is to be sucked deeper and deeper into the evil trends. We then struggle hard and painfully in sin, and become corrupted and distorted by Satan to the point that we have no human likeness and completely lose our integrity and self-respect. There is no happiness to speak of at all. Therefore, the Lord Jesus accomplished the work of redeeming mankind through being nailed to the cross, and He has once again become flesh to perform the work of judging and purifying mankind in the last days. Through expressing the truth, He can lead us to free ourselves from Satan’s corruption and can thoroughly save us from Satan’s domain so that we can live in the kingdom without evil or pain. If we don’t come before God to accept His salvation, we can only be harmed and fooled by Satan, live painfully, and have no way to solve these issues.”

After hearing their fellowshiping, I deeply yearned for the time I could live without pain. At the same time, I also understood that it was because of the evil and darkness of society that I was so upset. Thinking carefully, we people have surely been corrupted. For example, none of us keep our promises: When a man and a woman first fall in love, they swear eternal fidelity, but the promises soon become lies. Nowadays, men having mistresses occurs quite frequently and no one thinks twice about it. There are no sincere feelings between people and they only endeavor to satisfy the desires of their own flesh. I came to know that all of these were the results of Satan corrupting us, and I didn’t want to live in such a miserable way anymore. I hoped I could receive God’s salvation, so I decided to learn more about God’s work in the last days.

When I went out to wave them off, I glanced up at the sky. The sun was high and the day was bright. After living in darkness for so long I seemed to feel some illumination and long-forgotten happiness. After that, I started to formally attend meetings. Through listening to the brothers and sisters fellowshiping God’s words in the meetings, I understood all aspects of the truth, such as how people should believe in God, the meaning and value of life and God’s management plan to save mankind. I felt very fulfilled. Afterward, every day I would read God’s words and pray to Him. When I was praying, it seemed as if I had many words to say to God every day. Gradually, my heart was no longer so painful and my mind was less of a mess than before. I was very happy that I’d finally found some spiritual support.

In a meeting, I read God’s words: “I very much appreciate those who harbor no suspicion about others and very much like those who readily accept the truth; to these two kinds of men I show great care, for in My eyes they are the honest. If you are very cunning, then you will have a guarded heart and thoughts of suspicion regarding all matters and all men” (“How to Know the God on Earth”). Reading that passage, an idea flashed through my mind: “Don’t these words refer to me? I live in doubt and suspicion every day, always feeling that my husband is doing something behind my back. He explains everything and readily gives me his phone to let me check, but I still don’t believe him and can’t help secretly checking his phone and car.” From God’s words, I understood that God doesn’t like such behavior; it was the behavior of treacherous people. I myself could also feel that always suspecting others was so tiring. From then on, whenever I suspected my husband again I would pray to God, “O God, I’ve started to suspect him again. What You like is honest people. I know my behavior is not in accordance with Your will, but I am unable to control myself and always live in suspicion. I beg You to lead me!” After my prayer, I was much calmer. I felt very happy, feeling that through praying to God like this I surely saw God’s guidance. I also found the courage to overcome the situation. Thank God!

One day, my husband stayed out all night, which agitated my calm heart again. I called him all night but he didn’t answer. I began to suspect him again; I tossed and turned in bed and could not fall asleep or control my mind. I suffered greatly. In helplessness, I came before God and prayed to Him, “O God! I really want to be an honest person and don’t want to be controlled by suspicion all day long. But I can’t do that. O God! I beg You to help me out of my pain.” When I was in the middle of praying to God, I suddenly remembered a passage of God’s words, “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a bet with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men, and the interference of men. Behind every step that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle” (“Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God”). God’s words allowed me to realize that a spiritual fight was occurring. Satan was using this issue to toy with me, causing me to suspect my husband and live in pain. However, God was also watching my heart and seeing whether I could practice His words and defeat Satan’s temptation. Satan wanted to use this to harm me, so I had to choose to satisfy God’s will and not be fooled by it. If my husband had really done something that betrayed me, no matter how upset I was, what use would it be? If my husband was really bestowed upon me by God, then nobody could snatch him away; if not, even if I watched him every day, I wouldn’t be able to keep him. I had to give everything to God! When I thought like this, I fell asleep without realizing it.

The next day after I got up, I started to worry that he had had an accident. With a deeply uneasy heart, I called him. He ashamedly said that he drank too much with his clients the previous night and then slept at a hotel, and that was why he didn’t call me. What’s more, he said he was sorry. Hearing his explanation, I felt that my suspicion was all unnecessary and was simply Satan’s trickery and its attempt to harm me. It was just because I was too weak that I couldn’t overcome my flesh. But when I relied on God, He comforted my heart, helped me calm down and moreover revealed the truth, which made me have more faith to practice according to His words.

After this event, I quieted my heart and thought carefully again. Before, I had really thought that I had found true love. Not until his affair did I see that the love between my husband and me was so fragile that it could easily collapse. I thought that I had sacrificed a lot when I married him when he had nothing, so I deserved to be treated well by him and he shouldn’t do anything that wasn’t right. When he betrayed me, I just couldn’t accept it. I thought: “I have never turned my back on you, but you actually dared to treat me like this.” Even after he apologized and repented, I was still estranged from him all the time and unable to trust him, thus living in suspicion and pain. I saw that my love for him also had impurities and conditions. So I decided I should look at it from another perspective: If he still remained in touch with that woman and remained close to her, then it would be forgivable that I suspected him and guarded against him. But by the time he got drunk with his clients his affair had been over for ages, and he no longer interacted with that woman, so I needed to learn to forgive him and not live in suspicion any longer, because ill feeling not only afflicts myself but harms others. As a matter of fact, my husband was also a victim. That he overstepped the bounds was the result of Satan’s corruption. Just as God’s word says, “Satan uses these social trends to lure people one step at a time into a nest of devils, so that people caught up in social trends unknowingly advocate money and material desires, as well as advocate wickedness and violence. Once these things have entered man’s heart, what then does man become? Man becomes the devil Satan! This is because of what psychological leaning in the heart of man? What does man advocate? Man begins to like wickedness and violence. They do not like beauty or goodness, much less peace. People are not willing to live the simple life of normal humanity, but instead wish to enjoy high status and great wealth, to revel in the pleasures of the flesh, sparing no effort to satisfy their own flesh, with no restrictions, no bonds to hold them back, in other words doing whatever they desire. … In this way, man becomes more and more what? More and more evil, arrogant, condescending, selfish, and malicious. There is no longer any affection between people, no longer any love between family members, no longer any understanding between relatives and friends; human relations have become full of cheating, full of violence” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”). Satan uses the evil trends in society to seduce and corrupt people. These days, having affairs, or being a mistress for a rich man, or keeping a mistress have all become trends and many people have been swept up in them. They fall for all kinds of enticements and temptations, can’t extricate themselves, and end up sinning involuntarily, thus becoming increasingly degenerate and evil. The reason why my husband overstepped the bounds was because it was also beyond his control. What was remarkable was that he didn’t degenerate thoroughly nor did he abandon our family. So, I should open my heart and start afresh with him. At that time, my heart was set free, which made me even more feel grateful to God. If God had not saved me, my marriage would surely not have lasted. I would not have forgiven my husband at all and would only have lived in endless suffering and torture. I really dare not imagine what I would have been like in the end.

After experiencing several ups and downs, I was able to change my way of thinking and let go of my suspicions about my husband under the guidance of God’s words and through praying to God again and again. I no longer checked his phone secretly or asked about his movements, and the atmosphere at home was no longer awkward and grim. One time, when we were dining together with relatives, my husband made a point of saying to them, “She has changed!” Hearing his approval, I knew it was God’s words that had changed me and allowed me to live out the manner of a proper person. Thank God for allowing me to get over my husband’s betrayal, and for saving my family from breaking apart.